I am Dr. Orion Taraban and this is Psych Hacks: Better Living Through Psychology.

Today's topic for our short talk is 'All Men Pay'. Now, the amount they pay depends on several factors, but when it comes to women, all men pay in one way or another.

There's a memorable scene in the movie Jack Reacher where the main character, Jack (played by Tom Cruise), is approached by a beautiful woman in a bar. I'll provide a link to the scene in the description below. She expresses her interest in leaving with him, but he jokingly responds that he can't afford her. She insists that she's not a prostitute, to which he replies that he still can't afford her. This exchange is amusing because, like any good joke, it carries some truth.

In general, when it comes to women, the more transactional the relationship, the less monetary payment is involved. If we consider literal prostitution, men in these situations only pay with money. However, in a committed relationship, men pay with their time, attention, exclusivity, compromise, and money. There's never a guarantee of sex. So even though one might spend less money on a date compared to hiring a prostitute, the value of all the other things sacrificed for the sake of seeking sex in a relationship is collectively greater than the difference in financial transactions.

The bottom line is that if you're a man, you'll have to pay to access the opportunity of sex in one way or another. That's just the way it is. However, there is a silver lining: the price of that access is inversely proportional to a particular woman's interest and attraction. This means that the more she likes you, the greater the discount you'll receive. Yet, it will never be entirely free. A woman who is highly attracted to you will make it easier and more affordable to access her time and sexual opportunity.

On the flip side, the men who pay the most are the ones who women are least interested in. Let me reiterate: the men who pay the most are the ones who women are least interested in. For men who want to be with women who genuinely want to be with them, it doesn't make rational sense to pay a higher price. The more you pay, the less likely you'll achieve what you desire. Although this may be disheartening, it's understandable. If a woman isn't genuinely interested or attracted to a man, she will need other forms of compensation to stay in the relationship.

As I've mentioned before, women treat men the way men treat jobs. If a particular company offers a lower salary, they often compensate with other perks and privileges to attract potential employees. These perks come at a cost to the employer. Similarly, men who are not as attractive to a specific woman end up paying more in terms of indirect costs and intangibles to secure the same opportunity. Does that make sense?

This means that as a man, if you want more affordable access to women, your main focus should be increasing your overall attractiveness. This may require investing time and money into improving yourself. But remember, you'll be paying either way, so it's wiser to invest in self-improvement rather than any specific sexual opportunity.

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Now, this perspective can be challenging for some men to grasp. Many men hold the belief that all women desire relationships. However, this belief is less true than the corresponding belief that all men only want sex. While not entirely accurate, it's mostly true. It may sound strange to some women, but many men believe that you want a relationship with every man you sleep with and that you only sleep with men you're in a relationship with. Neither of these assumptions is true.

These beliefs are a significant reason why men who are not sleeping with you try to enter into a relationship. They think they are giving you what you want in exchange for what they want, which is sex. On the other hand, men you do sleep with may ghost you afterward because they fear you'll want to tie them down forever if they see you again.

The belief that men solely want sex is also untrue. Despite men often having lower standards, they still have preferences. This means that there will be many women they are genuinely not interested in sexually. Similarly, the belief that women only want a relationship is also false. In general, women have high standards for relationships, regardless of their level of attractiveness. This may seem surprising, but I've encountered less attractive individuals with higher standards than those considered more attractive. It's a bit perplexing, akin to a local bakery with high prices and mediocre pastries that manages to stay in business.

Ultimately, it's essential to understand that the women men are interested in having a relationship with represent only a fraction of the women they are interested in sleeping with. Likewise, women interested in having a relationship will only be a subset of those they are interested in sleeping with. Despite men's assumptions, women do not automatically want a relationship with every man, and every woman is not seeking to lock you into a relationship by default.

All things considered, whether a woman desires sex or a relationship with a particular man depends on two factors: his value and his attractiveness. Value encompasses attributes such as net worth, social status, and lifestyle, while attractiveness refers to physicality, sexiness, and swagger. We can visualize this in a two by two Punnett square, as shown.

As you can see, if you're an attractive, high-value man, women will likely desire a relationship with you, but they may also offer you sex if you're not interested in commitment. On the other hand, if you're an attractive, low-value man, they may be open to a sexual relationship. If you're an unattractive, high-value man, a relationship may be possible, but sex will likely be infrequent. Lastly, men who fall into neither attractive nor high-value categories won't have many opportunities.

The takeaway here is that as a man, it is indeed possible to secure sexual opportunities with women without bearing the direct and indirect costs associated with a relationship. However, you'll still need to pay in some way, and that necessitates being attractive. What are your thoughts? Does this align with your own experiences? Let me know in the comments below. And if you've made it this far, please consider liking this episode and subscribing to this channel. You may also explore the option of becoming a channel member, which comes with perks like priority comment reviews or booking a paid consultation. Thank you for listening.